Butt Odor?

Butt Odor.

Cleanse your butt with this:

Burial & Four Tet - Moth

Moody, head-bobbing house/dubstep collaborations are perfect for yo' stank ass.

Bullet Points

I haven't posted anything in a while. It's because I'm breaking up with this blog. This is me reading my breakup letter to it (If you don't click that link, it's your own goddamn fault you're so miserable all the goddamn time. I'm doing what I can to make you feel better, but at some point you have to take responsibility for yourself). It's just not working out between me and this blog anymore. We just stare at each other over breakfast, not saying anything, feeling trapped and uncomfortable. When we do talk, it's just to bicker and undermine each other. I feel like half a person when I'm with this blog.

Just kidding. I'm not breaking up with my blog. We're meant to be together. This is the song we sing to each other:

Angelo Badalamenti & David Lynch - Just You - buy

This song is from "Twin Peaks." Do you watch "Twin Peaks?" You should. It may be the best TV show there ever was. It also may have the longest opening credit sequence there ever was.



Speaking of great TV shows, have you watched "NYC Prep?" I watched one episode because the recaps on Gawker and Videogum are achingly hilarious. I haven't watched any more episodes, but I still read the recaps. Does that make me pathetic?

If you're in New York sometime before August 15th, go see this show (art). It's a surreal, disorienting, live-action collage.

If you're in New York next Sunday, go to this show (music). It has the potential to be the show of our young century. It won't be, but it could be. It's free, at least. Well, a minimum of $4.50 for subway fare, unless you live right around there, in which case, DIE HIPSTER SCUM or whatever. Seriously, though, all three of these bands are great and I can't wait to see how this will unfold.

Thursday I went to a reading by one of my favorite pop culture writers, Nathan Rabin of the Onion AV Club. If you are unfamiliar with his work, I suggest you start here and then read through entire the My Year of Flops archives, because you will laugh, cry, and get an excellent education in cinema and failure. His just-released memoir, The Big Rewind, is brave and hilarious and uses profanity in new and exciting ways. He signed my book "Hey Liam, tell your cat I say hi. Nathan Rabin." I meet one of my favorite writers, and we talk about my cat. Like I said: pathetic.

I bought a book called On Michael Jackson by Margo Jefferson today. I'm looking forward to reading it. Like my copy of The Big Rewind, it's signed by the author. It says, "To Jocelyn - A former student I'm delighted to see again - All best (sic), Margo 2/06." It cost ten dollars. I feel like that was a good price to pay. I also bought a Joan Didion book I'd been wanting for a long time. It's out of print, but I found it today at Barner Books in New Paltz. It cost four dollars. I had good book luck today. I also bought a Prince single. This is the A-side. It might be my favorite Prince song.

Prince - If I Was Your Girlfriend - buy

Want to know how to make Andy Rooney's absurd rants on "60 Minutes" even funnier? Why, add curse words, of course!
http://twitter.com/blueandyrooney
The Original Hater just got hatier.

That's a lot of information to take in with not a lot of context. Posts that are actually about things are coming in the near future. Keep you eyes peeled like hard-boiled eggs. Mmm.

Something I'm Excited About: Atlas Sound

According to Pitchfork, Bradford Cox, of 1979 Classic Film About the Human Tolls of Vietnam Starring Robert DeNiro, Meryl Streep, and Christopher Walken, is releasing another album as Atlas Sound, Logos, on October 20th, the followup to last year's Let the Blind Those Who See But Cannot Feel. In the interview, Mr. Cox describes the album as more worldly, which will be a welcome change from his previous album's sometimes oppressive insularity. It will also feature guest spots from members of Stereolab and, most notably, Panda Bear of Animal Collective and Panda Bear Crew. You may think, "wow, I wonder what an Atlas Sound/Panda Bear collaboration will sound like! Do I really have to wait until October to find out?" Well, cherished reader, your impatience will be rewarded. And this song is even better than you imagine. Its official title is "Walkabout," but I downloaded it from GvB as "Dovers Jam," which is what I will always think of it as. That was its title then, I guess. The Dovers of the title were a 60s garage band, and "Walkabout" samples their song "What Am I Going To Do?" This was recorded live at some place called the Drunken Unicorn on New Year's Eve, and I love it. It's among the best non-Deerhunter songs Cox has written.

Atlas Sound - Dovers Jam (Walkabout) - buy an Atlas Sound album

The Dovers - What Am I Going To Do? - buy

Happy Independence Day!

Goddammit, I love America! Let the motherfuckin' eagle soar!



Let's go drink some domestic beer and set off some

Fireworks - Animal Collective - buy

What am I going to do with those fireworks, you ask?

Rocketry Is My Plan - Frodus - buy

More titular relevance!

Independence Day - Elliott Smith - buy

Let's do this!

Reporter vs. Drunk Guy

Most of the time when bystanders interfere with field reports, the reporter will handle it calmly, either ignoring the interloper or quickly cutting back to the studio. Fortunately for us, this is not the case here. This is obviously the culmination of an extended period of antagonism, which we don't see but was probably also hilarious. It seems like, "we can't get this guy to leave, but fuck it, LET'S DO IT LIVE!" But then the reporter loses his shit. It's priceless.



Two additional things worth appreciating:

1. The drunken fool appears to be alone. There's nobody egging him on, he's just such an asshole that he will ruin stuff solely for his own enjoyment.

2. The anchors' faces.


What happens in Vegas, AMIRITE? HUH? HUH?

RIP Michael Jackson

I don't even know what to say. Only 50 years old. Let's have a party and celebrate his legacy.

Jackson 5 - I Want You Back

Just take a few minutes and appreciate how good this song is.

Crime Pays: A Breathing Shark Mix

Lately, I've been really into two things: The Wire and the Wu-Tang Clan. The former is a TV show about, well, a lot of things, but it boils down to cops and criminals in Baltimore. The latter is a long-running hip-hop collective from Staten Island. These two things are similar, and the reasons why are simple, which is ironic, because both are intimidatingly complex. The Wire and the music of the Wu-Tang Clan are both at their best when they tell intricately detailed, painstakingly realistic crime narratives. They go deep into the minds of drug dealers and murderers, exploring the ins and outs of the drug trade. They have superb eyes for character detail and ripping storytelling ability.

The show and the group are currently occupying most of my headspace, and as a result, I've been thinking a lot about crime. Primarily about dealing drugs, but other types of crime as well. And, like everything I think about, it eventually circled back around to music. I started thinking hard about great songs that tell crime stories, came up with many, narrowed it down to fifteen, then put them in a playlist and uploaded it to the Internet. These songs are crime songs, about everything from multiple murder to drunk driving. If you study this mix, maybe you'll grow up to be as a gully as me.

Break the law by downloading as a zip here. Snitches get stitches.


THE RAP SHEET:

DRUGS


GZA - Gold - buy

It was hard to keep this to just two Wu-Tang-related songs, because there are so many excellent little short stories (audiobooks?) in every member's discography. However, this track from Liquid Swords is probably my favorite, and the most like The Wire of any I've heard. GZA is like Stringer Bell on this song, cold and focused, looking at dealing like a business, worrying about the quality of his product, and killing when he has to. This song is basically my favorite parts of the first season of the show in four minutes, complete with detailed descriptions of the life of a drug dealer and a chess metaphor. Waiting for the train overhead to make noise so he can shoot a competitor? I wish I was GZA/Stringer Bell.


Curtis Mayfield - Pusherman - buy

Here's a different view on dealing than GZA's. While not as detailed as "Gold," "Pusherman" it doesn't glorify the life. It's a sarcastic, despairing take on hustling. It's an anti-drug song, but you could easily misinterpret it, with its funky drums and seductive offer, "want some coke? have some weed."


Ghostface Killah ft. Raekwon - Kilo - buy

And now back to Wu-Tang glorification. This song is basically an instruction manual on how to produce and sell crack. According to Ghost, the drug trade is dangerous, but with potential for wealth and glory. Again, it's all in the details: mayonnaise jars full of water and crack, handing out lighters to clients during the holidays. It's what makes it realistic, separates Ghostface and Raekwon from mere braggarts. This is the closest rural whiteboys like myself can get to knowing what it's like to be Scarface. I could have gone with something from Only Built 4 Cuban Links, but I wanted to give you a chemistry lesson. Educate yourself!


The Velvet Underground - I'm Waiting For the Man - buy

It's not just dealers who write songs. This song is a step-by-step chronicle of the process of buying heroin from one of the preeminent junkie icons, Lou Reed. Reed has said that everything described in it is probably still true today, except the price.


MURDER


Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds - Henry Lee - buy

This is a haunting duet with PJ Harvey. It's pretty much exactly what a duet between Nick Cave and PJ Harvey should be: a creeping murder ballad from two of the creepiest, most death-obsessed musicians out there. "Henry Lee" is traditional, rearranged by Cave, and a passionate tale of jealous, murderous love. Crime isn't just an urban phenomenon; sometimes bodies get thrown down wells in the backyard.


Big Black - Things To Do Today - buy

More black comedy from Big Black. Further evidence of their mastery of simple brutality and razor-sharp humor. This is based on the true story of the Billionaire Boys Club, a Ponzi scheme that led to murder. I love the title, which makes murder sound like an errand. And what's colder than "kill the dog, evidence?"


DRUGS AND MURDER


Neil Young & Crazy Horse - Tired Eyes - buy

This is a song from Tonight's the Night, one of the druggiest, most on-the-verge-of-collapse, most BEST albums ever released. It tells the story of The Doctor, a man who, as the song says, shot four men in a cocaine deal in Topanga Canyon. Neil Young is both recounting and listening to the story, and pleading for dead men to come back. Some of the rawest emotion you'll ever hear.


The Hold Steady - One For The Cutters - buy

Craig Finn of the Hold Steady is a Ghostface-level storyteller, and this is his "Shakey Dog." It's the story of a girl who goes away to college, parties a little too much, and gets mixed up with some townies she shouldn't get mixed up with. Things start out fine, then escalate into crystal meth use, class conflict, existential ennui, and stabbing. It's a disturbing, reflective song, plotted like a movie and packed with rich imagery in every line. The "Cutters" of the title are residents of Bloomington, Indiana, home of Indiana Univeristy. This song is driven by harpsichord. I'll keep preaching the gospel of the Hold Steady until I die, and this song is a large reason why. It has everything you could ever want in a song.


Notorious B.I.G. - Gimme the Loot - buy

Biggie is Omar Little in this song. An eccentric renegade robbing drug dealers and killing anyone in the way. Actually, he's not quite Omar, because Omar has a code, whereas Biggie is just on a rampage, unrepentant and evil and insane. Also, Biggie would kill you if you said he was like Omar, because Biggie ain't gay. He raps in two distinct, equally threatening voices and declares that he doesn't give a fuck if he kills pregnant women. It's pretty much the most gangster thing I've ever heard.


RAPE


X - Johnny Hit and Run Paulene - buy

White-knuckle rockabilly punk from X on this harrowing story about a serial rapist and one woman who fights back. It's easy to let the lyrics become secondary to the hard-charging music here, but paying attention will disturb the holy living fuck out of you.


DOMESTIC VIOLENCE


Mr. Bungle - Love Is A Fist - buy

This is irresponsible of me to post, because domestic violence isn't funny, and this song makes a joke out of it. But how can you deny the gnarly metal of the chorus and John Zorn's evilly skronking sax? And, um, this song is a little bit funny. "I feel strongly about violence." C'mon, that's funny. It's just a song by some sickos who really like Blue Velvet, alright?


BANK ROBBERY



The Clash - Bankrobber - buy

Similar to Wu-Tang, it was difficult to settle on just one Clash song about crime. This band approached crime and poverty more thoughtfully than any rock band before or since, and "Bankrobber" is as brilliant as any of their other, better-known songs. This dubby number about a Robin Hood-esque thief is supposedly based on Mick Jones' fantasy about his grandfather, who may have been involved in a bank robbery.


ORGANIZED CRIME


Bruce Springsteen - Atlantic City - buy

For as long as I have been aware of him, I have argued that Bruce Springsteen sucks. He is prone to overblown melodrama, working-class-guy hypocritical shtick, and all-around tastelessness. Recently, however, I've found that I need to reevaluate that stance, because this album, Nebraska, is excellent, and this song is the standout. It is lyrically one of the best songs I've ever heard. No exaggeration. I get goosebumps on top of my goosebumps after every line. It is both specific and subtle, perfectly balanced between the two. It is enriched by outside knowledge. It is philosophical and sociological, but handled understatedly and gracefully. Plus, it's a perfect crime story about a man driven by circumstance into a gig with the Mob.


DRUNK DRIVING


Pitchfork Militia - Crash - buy

Gonna get real drunk and drive my car gonna get real drunk and drive my car gonna get real drunk and drive my car and crash.


WHITE COLLAR CRIME


John Hiatt - Shredding the Document - buy

Not everyone can be hard like Biggie. Some of us have to get money in other, less violent ways. This was Jeff Skilling's theme song. Some go to jail, others get sex changes and go on Larry King.


Now you know how to sell drugs, suppress evidence, and get away with murder. Best of luck to you in your future endeavors!